I just threw up on my dentist
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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