Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize