My first STD was from a foam party
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
