you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize
