you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I understand Curling. That high.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
