i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
