How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
