My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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