3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
