and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
