I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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