Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
