Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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