what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
