I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
