the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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