pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
