i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
