Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
