Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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