he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
