but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
