i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
