I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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