I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
