so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
