He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
