Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
