Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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