just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
