Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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