I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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