So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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