drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
