my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
