i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
