The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
