So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
