Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
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I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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