I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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