I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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