I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
