I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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