Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Help. Why am I so naked?
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