they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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