I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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