Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
