apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So vagazzling was a success
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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