You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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