Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
