I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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