Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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