I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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