I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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