You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
