I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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