Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
