I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Semen is not good for contacts.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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