wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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