i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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