so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
