tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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