Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
