Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
