You made me cry and you don't even care
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
