One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
