When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
