just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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