Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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