fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
