We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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