No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
