i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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