She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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