I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
me + whiskey = a bad person
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
