I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
