i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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