State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
