I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
