im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is Oprah even human
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
