It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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