I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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