yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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