i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
