i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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