i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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