I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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