i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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