Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
